Working Through the Stages of Grief

Tips for Helping the Grieving

Jan 24, 2009 Venice Kichura

When a loss is suffered, people who grieve need to go through all the steps of grief before they can heal. Here are some tips for comforting someone in grief.

Many people trying to deal with loss, whether it’s expected or sudden, don’t know how to manage their feelings. They’re either overwhelmed or try to tough out their feelings. Others deny them or convince themselves they’ll be fine and don’t need support from others. It’s only through going through all the stages of grief that healing will come, whether it is the loss of a person or thing.

Types of Grief

Besides death, grief can come from other losses such as the failure of a marriage, relationship, career, or loss of a home. It can also be the result of family members who choose to be estranged from families. Besides different kinds of losses, there are also three types of mourning.

Anticipatory mourning - This type of grief, which involves an expected loss, gives people time to prepare. During anticipatory mourning, people start imagining life without their loved one. In the case of an impending job loss, employees are stressed, imagining various situations without a paycheck and how they’ll adjust.

Sudden loss - Often people suffering from sudden loss feel overwhelmed, unable to carry on everyday tasks. In this case it takes more time to fully understand the entire impact of a loss than in a predictable loss.

Complicated grief – This kind of grief, which usually takes professional help for healing, makes it impossible for someone to function normally. The grieving person usually experiences depression and anxiety for a long time with little or no improvement.

Stages of Grief

• Shock and denial is the first of seven stages of grief. It’s characterized with disbelief and feelings of numbness as one is in initial shock, denying the reality of a loss.

• Next comes the pain and guilt stage where the grieving suffer from regrets, filled with guilt as they believe they should or should not have done certain things or this terrible loss would have never happened.

• Anger and bargaining follow with questions of “Why me?” It’s during this stage that many grieving people try to make deals with God to bring back whatever they’ve lost.

• Depression, rejection and loneliness are the next stage in which the grieving may isolate from others.

• The upward turn stage offers a ray of hope as it’s then when a grieving person starts to feel better. Life begins to slowly return to normal.

• Reconstruction and working through grief is the final of the seven stages. At this final stage the grieving start to deal and accept their loss, looking forward more than backward. Although sadness remains, the pain continues to lessen.

• Don’t delay going to someone who’s grieving because you don’t know what to say. Just be there for them. Often more words are “spoken” through silence than empty platitudes.

• Instead of just saying, “Let me know what I can do to help,” find out their needs ahead of time and then show up to fill them.

• When comforting someone who’s lost a beloved pet don’t undermine the loss because it’s not a human being. Pets, whether they run away or die, can leave just as huge a void as a human loss.

Finally, don’t avoid bringing up the person or thing that was lost. For fear of hurting the grieving, too often well-meaning friends and loved ones try to tip toe around when the grieving really want to talk about their loss. Instead, share happy memories with someone who’s grieving.

The copyright of the article Working Through the Stages of Grief in Mind/Body Fitness is owned by Venice Kichura. Permission to republish Working Through the Stages of Grief in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Grieving People Need to Work Through the Stages